To that Hot Place and Back :)

by natalie (little n)

Here it is kids. It's long and it wasn't everything I wanted to say but I figure I'll get a chance during the back and forth.

This may be a Dr. Matt episode, but I can't say that I really liked it a lot only because I would have done it differently.

This will be semi-summary and semi-stream of consciousness. : )

Does anyone do misery, sadness, self-loathing, the poor-pitiful-me routine better then Dr. M? There might be someone out there but they don't look as good or sound as good doing it.

But I get ahead of myself.

We start with a "flash back" of sorts - a dark, smoky room with Dr. M sitting behind a small desk, smoking a cig [yuck]. His blond hair is hanging in his eyes. There are a couple other jokers in suits who seem like caricatures or detectives. When Dr. M asks about a phone, one of the suits calls out the door - hey nurse, what's the ETA on the phone? Who talks like that?

Dr M has a 'vision' of a woman lying on a gurney with blood on her asking him if he'd been drinking. He freaks out when one of the suits plops a baby blanket by him and he opens it up. We are supposed to assume it was blood.

There is a voice in the background indicating that he had just killed his family.

Back to the present, we are at a fancy pantsy fund raiser with Gail acting like some school girl over Lucas' attentions and Matt off in another place with his cup of tea. What I thought was funny was that as out of it as he was at the auction, he still had enough presence of mind to "stick it" to Lucas when Lucas sticks his foot in his mouth about the Chinese dogs.

Lucas also seems bent out of shape that Doreen seems attracted to Dr. M and vice versa. I wonder how much Chester was really like Dr. M when he used to drink.

The other story that went along with this was Caleb, Rose and the other little kid dreaming up all sorts of suppositions as to what the old man was doing in his backyard at night. Turns out that some creep poisoned his cherished pet dog and he wanted to do right by him by burying him with all his favorite things. Caleb is able to be grown up about it and talk to the old man instead of making up things.

Dr M meanwhile is being heckled by Lucas and also by Gail, who, quite frankly, was a real prick. She really is a self-centered toad - she only notices her own concerns but has no sympathy for anyone else. While Dr M got a little hostile when she caught him rummaging in his office, she knew about his family and knew he was 'out of it' but she just didn't give a damn.

I didn't understand how Dr. M could take his "visions" of Lily seriously or of Claire. I mean, I know he was depressed but still.

What I did love was the scene in the hospital where he is sitting with Doreen. His delivery of the line: "I have nothing to do and no one to do it with" was sooooo incredible! More so given that the line really makes no sense. I had to chuckle at his pause while he delivered the line and wondered if he had problems with it because it doesn't truly make sense.

I also thought it was interesting that even after 3 years and being able to face up to what he did, he was still blaming everyone else but himself for his wife and daughter's death. He was even blaming God.

I loved when Doreen/Lily ran her fingers through his hair. Thought it was so sensuous.

I also thought it was ironic that Dr. M had such contempt for Chester when Chester really seemed to be like him of a few years before. It may relate back to his self-hate routine.

Also wondered if Selena, even though she was spying for Lucas, didn't feel some empathy for Dr. M.

I liked that Dr. M still had his inner strength - in the end he came back from it all based entirely on that inner strength and perhaps the self-realization that he was to blame, there was no scape goat and there was no going back - only forward - and what was he going to do about it? I liked his confrontation with Lucas during the board meeting. "I don't want oblivion anymore. Then what do you want Doctor? You!"

I suppose this was the 'hit-rock-bottom-and-the-only-way-is-up' episode for Dr. M. He was never as glum or self-pitying in any of the other episodes.

The only other two things that I wondered about was how Dr. M never questioned Lucas' ability to do a "deal". He's a doctor, did it never occur to him what he had done - making a deal with the sheriff? Also, what did he make of the letter in his pocket? This is a man of science, letters don't just appear in your pocket. I do wonder what book he left for Claire - the hero was sometimes an idiot but he had the ability to look into the human heart. And she equated it with him. What a kid.

Oops. Long enough.

1. August 2002